The {F}rosty {S}orrow

[FIREH!!]

Firestar leaped upon the Raven's Ledge, fur shining in the setting sun, as she summoned her clan, she finally decided on her new deputy.

[sorrowfrost]

Some days she felt as if she could fly away and never come back, never look back, like she could leave the world behind and fly free. Almost as if she could grow wings and fly away into the endless, neverending sky and find a bliss within herself, regardless of what everyone else said. She felt as if no one could love her for who she was because...of her condition, so she restrained herself, a solitary soul in hope of acceptance by her Clan. But she felt like an outcast, someone who didnt belong anywhere, maybe there was somewhere out there waiting for her to take flight and discover a whole new life waiting for her, one that would deeply and truely give her happiness within.But for now she was stuck within this life, one of disregard, fighting and long lost lives. They all put their lives at risk every day, especially in battle, an innocent soul giving up a life for the good of many, was this a fair way of life? In many ways yes and no. It all really depended on how you look at it. They pretty much sacrificd themselves for thier religion. What a way to think of it.

Oh, and one could find them self in heaven and yet find a way to be a critic. Every step deeper within this land was like to find inner peace within ones self. To stop that feud, the on going battle within that raged itself on for hours, even days on end. One could blank out their mind and relax if not for but a while. To stop living up to life's expectations, stop stressing and just calm ones self to a point of no return. To be unaware of ones surroundings, almost trance like and mesmerized. For one cannot truly be themselves without but a little self enjoyment. For relaxing and stress are like a kind word to a whiplash. A difference easily recognized by many, if not all. To feel the wrath of time loosen its grip to a gentle hold upon ones mind. For life is but time itself and easily to be overcome. Justice be done, all living, breathing souls should have time of their own for ones mind is but one thing no other can lay hands upon. A privacy and privilege to be given not stolen. For if ones mind is not optionally given away what does one have left to call their own except the clothe son their back, in a manner of speaking. So why tamper with the minds of others for the joy of ones self. Seems foolish if one is to take the time and think. For actions speak louder then words. For a mistake to an error, a mistake is made when one refuses to fix the problem.

She shifted slightly, suddenly the moment felt oddly awkward. But that would be something she would have to live with, it wasn't a choice. Sorrowfrost, all in all just a soul wishing to live a peaceful life. Indeed mistakes had been made in the past, but was that not the past, and should it not be left there? Bright yet emotionless chocolate hazelnut orbs shifted around to examine the topography from even the smallest ant to the tallest tree, to even the highest cloud. For she indeed did stop to ''smell the roses'' as one might put it, depending on ones own opinion. Every second that was wasted was but her own fault for falling in so deep and giving herself up to the convincing depression, yet something was different, maybe her now well kept self or how she moved that was all around different from the life-lost Sorrowfrost that had once been known.

[SHADE. :D]

Pearlblade padded from the nursery, her silvery white fur shimmering in the sunlight. She smiled, the corners of her mouth wrinkling slightly as her daughters followed her on small paws. The kittens paws were utterly different; Ravenkit's fluffy and large, Frostkit's thin and short furred. Pearlblade felt affection for her kits fill her. She sat, curling her long fluffy tail around the white kit and the black kit. She smiled at Sorrowfrost, before licking the ruffled fur behind Ravenkit's ears. Her kits might become apprentices today. She glanced around, wondering where her adopted son Shardkit was. She felt anxiety for the little blind kit flood her, and she flattened her ears in worry.

Spectreflame trotted into camp, looking quite pleased with herself. The longhaired white warrior had a large rabbit in her jaws, a rare finding on MoonClan territory. She placed it on the fresh-kill pile, her ears pricking up as she heard Firestar's call. She padded up to join Pearlblade, seating herself beside her mother. She noticed she looked worried, and asked; "What's the matter?" Pearlblade turned to face her adult daughter. "I can't find Shardkit." Spectreflame looked relieved. "He'll be fine, stop fussing."

Wovenknot hobbled from the medicine cat's den, looking grumpy. A rich scent of herbs drifted from her. Her cough had worsened over the night. But she would not make a fuss about. The threelegged grey tabby sat alone, her thin body racking back and forth as she coughed. The movemnt shot through her throat with agony. She urned watering blue eyes up to Firestar, tryin o ignore her shivering limbs. She wondered what the ceremony would be about, then realised with a jolt that made her splutter painfully. It must be the appointment of a new deputy, and the apprentic ceremony of Pearlblade's two daughters. She wondered if the blind Shardkit would become an apprentice.

Ravenkit looked up at her mothr. "Are we becoming proper apprenties now, ma?" she asked impatiently. The little she-kit's baleful blue-green eyes peered steadily into her mother's clear sky blue gaze. "Probably," came her mother's amused reply. Ravenkit leapt up, her long coal coloured fur bristling with excitemn. "Yes! I want Sorrowfrost; she's cool." The fluffy kitten looked at her idle in awestruck silence, until her mother cuffed her over the ear for staring.

[Spice..xx]

Brokenheart limped painfully out of the elders den. Her stiff joints were getting worse every day but she refused to act the cripple and not come out for clan meetings. She hobbled over to a patch of sunlight away from everyone else and settled down to listen. She pointedly ignored the noisy kits but she smiled to herslef at their conversation. More kittens to scare! she thought to herself as she always scared the living daylights out of the apprentices that looked after her. She sighed to herself. Having nobody to talk to was a little depressing sometimes. No! she thought shaking her head firmly. How would she carry on, thinking weak thoughts about lonelyness and sadness? She had to hold her head high and act like she didnt care. Didnt she....?

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[FIREH!!]

Firestar looked at her clan, proud of each and every one of them. She hoped Wovenknot would be feeling better. "It is time now for me to appoint a new deputy. After many moons of hoping Atroxfire would return, I was disappointed. So tonight, we shall hold a mourning ceremony for him. In the sight of Starclan, I announce my new deputy so they may hear and approve of my choice. Sorrowfrost will be the new deputy of Moonclan!!" She yowled to the skies.

[trissea]

Shakenleaf meowed his congratularions to the new deputy, all the while his tail up. He was so happy. Sorrowfrost was born for the position.

[FIREH!!]

Firestar looked around at the cats. "We have three kits to make into apprentices. Ravenkit, Frostkit, and Shardkit. Please step forth."

[SHADE. :D]

Pearlblade nudged her daughter forwards. Pride blossomed inside of her, smothering her worry for Shardkit. She cheered breifly for Sorrowfrosr, hoping the warrioress would make a giood deputy. Better than the last two, at least. She wondered who would mentor the blind kit. Surely not a normal warrior; they wouldn't understand his blindness. But they did not have any other blind cats. It seemed impossible that her foster son would ever become a true warrior, though she was stubbornly stood by him since he had first stumbled into MoonClan territory. He was even moons old, being one moon older than Ravenkit and Frostkit, but Pearlblade had wanting her three children to be made apprentices all together.

Ravenkit trotted eagetly forwards, hoping with all her heart she would get a good warrior as a mentor. Not someone weird or scary, like Wovenknot. She would'nt like to have Spectreflame; her big sister would just boss her around all the time! Shakenleaf would be okay. The fluffy black kit scampered eagerly up the rocks, standing in front of Firestar, bristling excitedly.

[ooc;] Frostkit has no actor.

[Spice..xx]

Brokenheart glanced at Sorrowfrost and dipped her head. She secretly thought that Sorrowfrost was a good cat for deputy but she would never let it show. She listened to the next part of the meeting and snorted. What use would a blind apprentice be? And who would mentor such a hopeless case? She shook her head and stiffly licked a paw and drew it over an ear. She wished Firestar would hurry up, her warm bed in the elders den was calling to her.

ooc: aww i feel so mean poor shardkit! I love him as well xD

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[FIREH!!]

Firestar looked round. "Ravenkit, from this moment on, until you have recieved your warrior name, you shall be known as Ravenpaw. Your mentor shall be Shakenleaf. You are an honourable warrior, and it is time you recieve your first apprentice. Frostkit, you shall be known as Frostpaw. Your mentor shall be Wovenknot. You are a skilled warrior with such honourable determination, having to live with only three legs. Shardkit, you shall be known as Shardpaw. Sorrowfrost, since you have suffered being mute, and understand the feeling of not having a sense, you shall be a perfect mentor for Shardpaw." She bowed her head for the cats to congratulate the mentors and apprentices.

[sorrowfrost]

Oh, one can spend their whole lives wondering, and what good would it do? There is no end, and can never be an end, to everything to puzzle over. For almost anything you can wonder about, there is no answer. And so what is the point to wondering, to thinking, to dreaming? There is none, but does that stop anyone? Not in the least. Wondering, and never knowing, is that not agonizing? Yes, but does it stop anyone, anything? No. And here I'm proof, wondering about wondering. I hate this. I prefer this to making useless statement to countless others, but I hate having no answers. Will I ever know the answers? Will I ever know what my true purpose in these lands is? Will I ever be sure?

Wondering and thinking were like sleeping - she wanted to stay awake so badly sometimes when she was younger, to explore the night, but her body did not have the same idea. It preferred to cease much of its movement and ship her mind off to dreamland to be chased my cougar and to side with wolves and wake up seconds before it ended. It was that same with her mind - she wished she could shut don't that part of her that had questions; wished she could live simply by instinct - eat, sleep, do as told. . . or not. Why wouldn't someone else take over thinking and do all the telling? It would be nice to go even a single day without the endless struggle to remember why she was here, to remind herself she had a purpose. Sometimes she wanted so badly to end it all – to slip from the seemingly endless life ‘o following and obeying where she saw fit – the life ‘o Sorrowfrost. The bright, yet emotionless pits that were her oids snapped open once more. She couldn’t help wondering if the gods had a plan in store for her – something that would stimulate her twisted mind, or if she was simply a piece ‘o property waiting to be claimed, as she had been with so many others – only there to be used and then tossed aside like a broken toy.

She nodded briefly to Firestar, even though her vocals had been regained she talked little, although when she did it was meaningful. She really wasnt expecting the position of deputy, but she wouldnt complain, she could only do what she could to do what was expected of her. Through all the problems that had been brought on by going mute, she learned that really, sometimes you are alone, but you can still get by lifes little challenges just as she had continued to be a warrior even through her disabled period, and even though Shardpaw was blind, Sorrowfrost really didnt care, infact she would have choosen the blind apprentice if she could. She would make Shardpaw as good of warrior as any, one disability shouldnt stop the apprentice from leading a normal life, she hadnt let her disabled voice stop her form communicating and she would therefore not let Shardpaws blindness stop him from becoming a warrior, simple as that.

[SHADE. :D]

Ravenpaw looked at Shakenleaf. She felt a bit disappointed. Shardkit had got the very cat she had wanted. Twitching her shoulders to rid herself of the feeling, she padded over to Shakenleaf and hastily touched her nose to his. She looked away. She felt strange, like Shardkit had taken everything away from her. She had been jealous of Shardkit ever since Pearlblade had taken him in. She shook herself, trying to be happy with what she had. She brushed pat Frostpaw to sit with the other apprentices.

Wovenknot jumped as her name was called. She had not expected to recieve another apprentice so soon after Spindlespider. Not that it mattered. She smiled at the nervous-looking white kit, padding forwards to lightly touched her nose to the little apprentice's. She remembered how it had felt training Spindlepaw. She shook herself and coughed, careful to turn away from Frostpaw. She felt a bit bad as she caught sight of Spectreflame. The white warrior looked slightly disappointed; this was Wovenknot's second apprentice, and she hadn't even recieved her first. She sniffed determinedly, and asked, "Want me to show you the territory?" She knew her illness wouldf slow her down, but she wouldn't let it beat her.

[Spice..xx]

Brokenheart looked at the apprentices and warriors greeting each other. She remembered what it had felt like, looking up to the huge build of her mentor Bearclaw. She remembered the happiness and excitement when she had recieved Oakpaw as an apprentice. She had loved training him. Then........she blinked back the tears. Oakpaw had drowned. The horrific image came rushing back to her and she leapt to her paws, claws unsheathed. She blinked and the image was gone. Her claws still unsheathed, she sat down. Looking up at Firestar, she managed to croak "Are you finished yet?", before returning to her memories.

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[SHADE. :D]

Pearlblade looked at Brokenheart. She felt the elder was being rather disrespectful to the MoonClan leader. The silvery-white she-cat remembered the time, not so long ago, when she had thought Firestar too inexperienced to be a good leader, too young and swayed by emotion. She had now earned the older warrioress' respect. She would followed her until her death or retirement. She smiled.

[FIREH!!]

Firestar snorted at the elder. "I am finished." She laughed. Firestar leaped down and walked over to the cats.

[Spice..xx]

Brokenheart hissed quietly to herself at the leaders laughter. Who was she to laugh? I remember the days when cats respected their elders! she thought to herself. She saw Pearlblade staring at her and glared fiercely at her. What was it with cats these days? She turned her back to the others and tried to walk away with dignity. This was hard with stiff joints and she failed to look anything to the others but old, rickety and ill. She walked into the elders den and lay down in her mossy bed. She lay her head on her paws and tried to get to sleep. But she couldnt. The thought of Oakpaw and Willowpaws screams kept her wide awake.

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[trissea]

Shakenleaf smiled at his new apprentice, and said, "Want me to show you the territory?" He was eager to show Ravenpaw anything he could, but he knew she would be worn out easily. They'd take it easy for today.

[SHADE. :D]

Ravenpaw wasn't listening. She looked back at her mentor to see him looking expectantly at her. "Oh, um.." The black she-cat shook herself. "Um, sure." She looked back over at Sorrowfrost and Shardpaw with a touch of jealousy in her eyes.

[sorrowfrost]

Sorrowfrost glanced to the other apprentices, she briefly saw Ravenpaw look at her, she nodded to the new apprentice in acknowledgment. Something about the way Brokenheart acted just now, made her curious, but it was really none of her buisness. She hadnt expected both position and apprentice at the same time, sure training Ravenpaw or Frostpaw would have been easier, but knowing she could help Shardpaw was a feeling of pure joy. Her ears twitched slightly, icy blue gaze remained on Ravenpaw for a moment. A thought crossed her mind, maybe she should show Shardpaw some of the territory while daylight was with them. A breeze swept across the camp, and yet there were so many sounds around them, but that was just how the camp was.

[trissea]

Shakenleaf nodded, noticing something. Ravenpaw seemed rather detached. He hoped it wouldn't be too hard to teach her. He flicked his tail for her to follow him, his dull blackish coat unchanged in spite of the sunlight. He turned. "Alright, let's go then."

He padded to the camp entrance, knowing Ravenpaw would be behind him and hopefully ready to absorb whatever he could teach.

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[SHADE. :D]

Ravenpaw dipped her head and trotted after Shakenleaf. He was a good warrior. She should be happy. Shoving the jealousy to the back of her already overcrowded mind, she hastily caught up with the black tom.

[[xoxo] shard. :)]

Shardpaw touched noses with his new mentor, his paws tingling with joy. He'd always thought he'd never be an apprentice because he was blind, but now he was proved wrong.