she said i only want us back the way we used to be

[idk my bff brindle]

brokencalling

[/font][/size][/right]bodies under his paws. not one. two. hot, wet, fur matting his claws. darkness, just darkness. no sun, go by feel. victory. victory at last. a triumphant grin spoiled by the rising sun.

he can feel it on his skin. feel it on his fur, but he can't see it. why not?

panic.

slowly. slowly everything dawns on him. bodies at his paws. rowanpaw's, no surprise. flowerpaw. then, horribly, so horribly- freespirit.

a muted scream, and he's awake.

blinking back the fear, flowerpaw asks what's wrong. he swallows hard, but everything is alright. she's still there. everything makes sense. 'just a dream' murmurs brokenpaw, as if it all was. it all had to be.

then flowerpaw turns into freespirit. she's glaring down at him, he's paralyzed with fear.

and love, this stupid love. it won't leave.

he screams.

Awake at last, Brokencalling's eyes opened wide. Trembling with terror, the tom tried to place the sound that had woken him up. It had been a desperate cry of fear, and for a moment, his heart beat even faster. What if it had been Freespirit? What if she was in trouble? It took a few moments, but the tom slowly realized that the scream had been him. He was the one who had been scared. Regulating his pulsing heart, the tom tried to calm himself down. No one had come running. No one had heard him. Yawning, the warrior stretched his leg. It was bearable, and he could walk. Still, the warrior was reluctant to leave the medicine cat's den. He would have to go back to his warm moss nest, near Freespirit. They hadn't been mates before the fox battle and his injuries, so it wasn't like they slept near each other. But Brokencalling didn't know how he could deal with her overpowering scent. He had loved her, and she had betrayed him to Clearstar.

Long ago, when Brokencalling thought she was spying for Clearstar, he had been right. How could he have let himself become so trusting? He had placed his faith in Freespirit to understand and support him. They had argued, but Brokencalling hadn't given up. But then the she-cat had gone to Clearstar, leaving Brokencalling all alone with a knife in his back. It was over between them, the tom thought angrily, a growl rising deep in his throat. He couldn't dwell over her anymore. Not if she was going to judge him.

And betray him.

OOC i suppose you can all guess who this is reserved for? XD

[/blockquote]

[lonelylove :D]

>> freespirit
it's HEARTBREAK, for god's sake <<

[/font][/color]

Freespirit padded up to the entrance of the medicine cat's den, and stopped on the threshold. Turmoil tore her apart as tried to decide what to do: should she go inside and try to talk to Brokencalling, or should she turn around and go cry in her mossy bed?

After Freespirit had told Clearstar about Brokencalling's secret, he had been giving her the cold shoulder. Okay, they hadn't really been on speaking terms anyway, but now she had given him an even better reason to hate her. And she tried so, so hard to hate him back, but she couldn't. Because, despite all of the recent conflict, she still loved him. Not to say it didn't hurt her. Because every day she still cried a little about it. Love hurts, right? But no matter how much wear her heart took, it refused to break.

But she wanted to do something about it. She had to try to make amends! Her longing for him made her want to gorge her claws across her own white throat. And he would forgive her eventually... He couldn't be mad at her forever... right?

With her heart thumping loudly in her chest, she stepped inside the cool den. She shrugged her shoulders, and with small and silent steps, she made her way over to his sleeping form. She stopped a tail-length, pawing the ground as she wondered what to do. Should she wake him up? Or should she sit there for eternity?

She decided to say something. After all, she was the one who had come. She swallowed the large lump in her throat with a loud gulp. Her voice was small and feeble, showing how unsure she was. "Brokencalling?"[/blockquote]

[idk my bff brindle]

brokencalling

[/font][/size][/right]Brokencalling was still pining over her and moping about his horrible situation when her scent reached his barely open mouth. he could feel ehr there, looming voer him. Stifling a sigh, Brokencalling closed his eyes and pushed his face into the moss as if to block her out. Part of him wanted to speak the words that would bring her over here, where everything could be explained. Yet he couldn't. She was too far away from him. Too much of a traitor, and Brokencalling didn't feel like he could ever sleep ebside her again. The pain would awaken, fresh and anew, every time he would wake to see her sprawled out beside him. No, Brokencalling just wan't to push her away. Start again, with someone new. But the tom knew that no one could ever replace Freespirit. How he wished that he hated her.

The tom knew that when she spoke, he had to answer. Not because it would impolite not to, or because his own heart wanted to. He answered because he could hear the pain in Freespirit's own voice, and he just couldn't hurt her anymore. "Freespirit," the tom replied sleepily, pretending to have just woken up. He turned towards her, voice curt and cold. "What's up?" his tone told her that this better be good to bother him, though his words invited her to chat. Brokencalling wouldn't let her know that he hoped she had woken him up just to apologize. He made it sound like this had better be important if she was in here, or if she needed someone killed or something. Brokencalling winced at the thought.[/blockquote]

[lonelylove :D]

>> freespirit
it's HEARTBREAK, for god's sake <<

Freespirit waited, her muscles tensed. The silence after her feeble greeting unnerved her, and she shivered again. But she didn't have to wait long. His greeting was equally inadequate, but had an icy edge to it. She moved to the side, so he could actually see her. She sat down awkwardly, and shifted uncomfortablely on the hard ground. She pushed past his unwelcome tone, and began to speak. "We should talk, Brokencalling." Not we need to talk, but we should talk. She wasn't sure if he was feeling the same remorse she was. Maybe he had decided to shut her out forever. All the same, her tone was very curt and business-like. She could be stiff, too.

She paused to look at the X-shaped scars on his cheeks. She remembered the first time she had really noticed Brokencalling at all, when she had spotted him sitting all by himself. No one had really liked him, because he had a suspicious past, but he couldn't remember it (at the time, anyway). She saw past the mystery surrounding him and dove right in. And look at what that led to, She thought miserablely.

[idk my bff brindle]

brokencalling

[/font][/size][/right]Brokencalling tensed as the tabby she-cat padded back towards him. He didn't know if he would be able to stand it if she suddenly swept her tail over his back and pressed against him. She seemed so sad that he almost expected her to for a second. His whole body shook with anger and need at the same time. Gritting his teeth, Brokencalling let out a sigh of relief as she stopped and sat down not too close for him. He could breathe again. Brokencalling didn't look at her; he just kept his eyes facing front. The tom did swivel his mottled auds towards her though, remebering the first time they had met. They had had such a arguement over nothing. Yet Brokencalling wished he could back to that time. Go back to that time and just turn away. Never find her among the willow trees. Never fight that fox and almost die for her. For nothing.

Yet he didn't regret a thing.

"So talk," his voice was bitter, so much different than the voice of the gentle young tomcat so unsure of himself. The grey-brown tabby didn't know how long he could go on like this. He didn't know how long he could pretend not to care, to be indifferent. The tom longed to cast her a glance, no matter how small, but he didn't. She had betrayed him and she had spied on him for Clearstar. Self-preservation came before love, in his opinion. It seemed like so long ago he had cared more for Freespirit than for himself.[/blockquote]

[lonelylove :D]

>> freespirit
It's HEARTBREAK for god's sake <<

Freespirit wrinkled her nose at his shrewd response. His words seemed so angry. Her mouth made an ackward shape, as if she had tasted something bitter or sour. What should she say? Should she pour her heart out to him? Should she beg for his forgivenness? Should she just be stern, as to not make herself look like a weak fool? The different opinions made her dizzy. Maybe I should just apologize. Tell him the truth, straight up. She nodded to herself, like a psycho-babbling idiot might. Yes. That's what she should do.

She cleared her throat, and looked at him straight in the eye. He wasn't looking at her, but she stared back, unsure of her chosen words. She tried not to cry as she began to speak. "Brokencalling... I'm really sorry. I'm sorry I freaked out when you told me... about your sister. I guess I could've been more understanding about it." She pressed her lips together for a moment. "And I'm sorry that I told Clearstar... But you have to understand! The guilt of knowing was eating me alive! I didn't want to tell her, but if I hadn't..." She let the sentence trail off. She could hold it in anymore. Her eyes became watery, and Brokencalling's face became a blur of brown.

[idk my bff brindle]

brokencalling

[/font][/size][/right]There was a tense moment where Brokencalling was tempted to just block her out. His head was beginning to hurt, and he closed his eyes so his bad eye wouldn't worsen it anymore. He sighed softly as she began to talk. As much as he would have liked to ignore her, the grey-brown tabby couldn't. So he let her words wash over him, the once comforting voice now strange and foreign to his ears. The pain was bittersweet., and it hurt like nothing Brokencalling had ever felt before.

When she was done, the tom didn't even deign her a glance. He had heard the tears in her voice. "I understand," he mewed, voice strained. He did understand how the guilt of knowing would have hurt her, pulled at her heart until she had been torn apart. "I forgive you," he said quietly, tone still cold. He kept his eyes closed, still not looking at her. His claws were sheathed and unsheathed over and over again, digging into his moss den. How was he supposed to say what he was going to say next? It seemed like such an enormous task.

"Freespirit," Brokencalling managed to overcome his emotions and hide the pain that was creeping through him. "Yes, I forgive you for telling Clearstar, but..." he took in a deep breath, trying to appear indifferent. "I can't love someone who I can't even trust."

A new pain coursed through him, and Brokencalling didn't know how he was ever going to be whole again.[/blockquote]

[lonelylove :D]

outofcharacter The plot thickens! P:

>> freespirit
it's HEARTBREAK, for god's sake <<

The warrioress's head drooped as she fought a wave of tears. The silence between their words was killing her. She sniffed, and swiped a paw at her nose. The noise sounded loud in the cool, quiet den. He answered back quickly, murmuring the words she had wanted to hear. Freespirit lifted her head, a smile tugging at her lips. "Really? You do?"

But just as she felt her spirits lift, they came crashing down at her paws. Her smile quickly turned into a frown. "You can't... love someone you don't... trust." She turned away, to stare at the wall as she tried to deal with the different emotions that were popping up inside. "So, I make one mistake and you can't trust me?" Freespirit groaned and plopped down. She put her paws on her head, appearing to be distressed. "I came here to make-up with you, because... because. And you just turn me away. Why do I even bother?"

[idk my bff brindle]

brokencalling

[/font][/size][/right]Every breath was painful, and it wasn't just because of the many bones he had broken fighting those foxes. Those foxes that he had killed just for Freespirit. To save her... Why had he even bothered? She could have held her own. But maybe he shouldn't be thinking about that so much. He would have done the same for any of his other Clanmates. He sighed and rested his head on the moss, finally opening an eye to look at Freespirit. The breaths were still coming with pain, a pang in his heart that couldn't be satisfied. His mouth was dying to speak her name, his body dying to touch her. Even if they started fighting again, anything was better than this. The silence was deafening, and Brokencalling became aware that it was his turn to talk. A sigh pierced him as he tried to find the right words. How to tell her how he felt? The tom let his paws dig into the moss, claws churning the moss underneath him. This hurt so much worse than his leg.

"Freespirit," saying her name killed the pain, but only momentarily. His heart was thudding at a thousand miles per hour, pushing and beating against his ribcage. "I didn't forgive you because I wanted to make up. We're Clanmates, we need to be able to patrol together, to hunt together..." he winced as the pain came once more. "I know you told Clearstar because you felt that you had to. But you... you betrayed me. Right in the back. So I didn't forgive you because we're Clanmates. I forgave you because I love you."

Another shuddering breath. "But it's over. We're over."

OOC i'm so horrible : D

[/blockquote]

[lonelylove :D]

>> freespirit
it's HEARTBREAK, for god's sake <<

[/font]

Freespirit inhaled deeply. Too deeply. She let out a sputtering cough, leaving her throat dry. Tears welled up in the corner of her eyes. Again. I am strong. So why does a tom like this leave me a sobbing mess? She furrowed her eyebrows, angry at herself. She cleared her throat and straightened up.

She attempted to think positive. So what if I've been rejected twice? I'll move on. Stay alone for a while. Then find someone else. But no words she thought up could heal the would he had left. And the wound couldn't heal if she loved him still, anyway.

She licked her lips, for they had become dry as well. She slowly picked herself up, and brushed the dust off her fur. Only then did she take a second to look at Brokencalling. He was peering at her through one eye. She couldn't look straight at it. Her courage had left her. She stared at his scars instead, while she spoke softly to him. "If that's how you feel... If you really want this..." She swallowed loudly. "...I still love you." Her ears drooped, and she turned to leave. She dragged her paws, as if to slow down her departure. She stopped at the entrance, and looked back at the tom. Her eyes expressed countless emotions and feelings. Her heart hurt from all the pressure.

"Good-bye."[/blockquote]

[idk my bff brindle]

brokencalling

[/font][/size][/right]The tabby tom kept one eye on her the whole time, determined not to express any emotion. Her words hit him like slaps, each one stinging harder than the last. When at last she got up to leave, Brokencalling didn't bother watching her go. This wasn't right. They couldn't go on like this. He heard her words over and over in his head, as clear as can be. I still love you. I still love you. I still love you. But the tom just wasn't letting himself go. He needed to protect himself from anything like this ever hurting again. He would find another she-cat, another friend, another cat who understood him as perfectly as Freespirit, another cat who saw him just like she did. Someone with her scent, who would look at him with all that love like Freespirit. Someone... who was he kidding? He was never going to find anyone like Freespirit ever again. He belonged with her. They belonged together. Hadn't he realized that so long ago, standing there beside her in the midst of the battle, listening to their hearts pulse as one?

He was such a goddamn mousebrain.

"Freespirit," he mewed, voice no longer cold. Wincing, the tom got out of his moss den. Leg stiff, he padded over to her. He was going so slowly. Each second seemed like an eternity. Would she wait for him? It passed so quickly, but it seemed like such a long time to him. He pressed his body against hers warmly, looking down. What was he going to say? The tom looked up and turned, muzzle warm in her ear. "Don't go. Don't leave me," he said, before moving his muzzle to the side of hers. "I'm so sorry... So sorry..." he repeated over and over again, body shaking.

Then the tears finally came. They seeped out from under his closed eyelids, trailing down his soft fur. They fell, landing on the frosty ground, a steady plip plip. He had felt like crying so many times when he was around her, but he had been too ashamed. Now he didn't care. All he felt was her warm face on his, and the hot wetness on his fur.
[/blockquote]

[lonelylove :D]

>> freespirit
it's HEARTBREAK for god's sake <<

Freespirit had turned back towards the light, sadness settling in her heart. She would have to move on...

But suddenly, his voice pierced the darkness. Freespirit! Her amber eyes opened wide, and she spun around. And then he was there, pressing against her body, with tears leaking down his scarred cheeks. The sadness was swept away with a swift motion, and replaced with a happiness that no one else could give her. She licked his face fiercely, all the while a voice sang in her head: He loves me, he loves me, he loves me...

[/color]

"I forgive you, Brokencalling! I love you! I'll never, ever leave you, you can bet those scars of yours..."[/size][/blockquote]